Since yesterday’s post, I’ve had time to reflect on the whole weekend travel situation. My girlfriend came over last night and we discussed the matter at length. I think my whole bitterness stems from the fact that my wants and desires weren’t really taken into consideration in the matter. I know how much I’d like to stay and watch the LTF triathlon this weekend, but I chose to spend my time with my girlfriend instead because I know how much the wedding means to her. A while that’s selfless in itself, there’s still some selfish part of me that wants acknowledgement of what was actually sacrificed here and I think that was missing from the whole thing. The more I thought about what I was giving up to go and the more nobody else seemed to know or care, the more bitter I got. Certainly, the money, the vacation day, the missed day of training, and missing a once a year event is at least worth a “I know how much this weekend meant to you and how much you wanted to stay, but I want to thank you for choosing to come with me. It really means a lot to me.” Had it probably gone down that way, that would have been the end of it.

Looking back on things now, I’m starting to wonder how selfless and selfish I really am at the core. I tend to do things to the extreme which is to say that I’m usually at one end of the spectrum or the other - there is little grey for me. So when I’m being selfless, I’m generally totally selfless and don’t care about my own wants or needs. And while I enjoy doing this, I think I can only sustain this for short periods of time (even shorter when I’m already shelled from training). Once that limit is hit, I usually need periods of time away from everything to recharge myself. It’s been labelled by friends and others as “hermit time” and creeps up every now and then (like here). It generally doesn’t last for very long - a day or two tops. But if I don’t get it, it just downward spirals and I grow more and more irritable until I can get this rest.

For what it’s worth, my girlfriend is really good to me. I am a pretty difficult person to deal with when I’m tired, which training for IMMoo is pretty much all the time. She puts up with more crap than I’d ever take from someone. I guess that really should speak for itself.